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The Rise of The Scouse and Fall of The Romano Empire

Defining a timeline between the rise and fall of two great empires is a difficult task. The Roman Empire lasted approximately 800 years and Our Empire in Europe only spans 40 years (so far). But within our Reign over Europe we have in fact conquered more territory than the Romans ever did. Proof? I knew you’d ask. Here's the extent of the Roman Empire: If you add to the above, Ireland, Scotland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, USSR, Ukraine, Crimea and Iceland, you have all the territories where Liverpool have won or knocked out teams in European Competitions. The Rise of the Scouse Empire took just 15 years, and here are the links between important dates in the history of both Empires that end with The Sacking Of Rome. 396 BC: Roma conquers the Etruscan city of Veii Janus 1962: Liverpool conquer Norwich 5-4 390 BC: the Gauls sack Roma Februa 1962: Liverpool conquer Bury 326 BC: the Circus Maximus is built Julius 1963: Bob’s chippy in Garston is built 313 BC: the Basilica of Maxentius is completed Septimus 1963: Garston Puppet theatre is completed on Garston Park 312 BC: the Via Appia is opened Octavius 1963: Speke baths is opened 312 BC: the first aqueduct, the Aqua Appia, is built Octavius 1963: The Ford Road is built 308 BC: Roma conquers the Etruscan city of Tarquinia Aprilis 1964: Liverpool conquer Arsenal 5-0 and win the League 287 BC: the Lex Hortensia makes plebiscites binding Julius 1964: Shankly makes Hunt’s contract binding. 280 BC: Roma issues coins Augustus 1964: Liverpool issue tickets for Reykjavic 275 BC: Roma conquers southern Italy (Greek colonies) Augustus/Septimus 1964: Liverpool conquer Iceland 272 BC: a second aqueduct, the Anio Vetus, is built Octavius 1964: Garston by-pass is built 264 BC: Roma and Carthage fight the first Punic war Numa Pompilius/Decembris 1964: Liverpool fight Anderlecht and conquer Belgium. 264 BC: the Romans destroy the last vestiges of the Etruscan civilization (Volsinies) Mars 1965: After Three battles Liverpool conquer Germany, by sacking Cologne. Maius 1965: Liverpool defeated in Milan, but Shankly issues the immortal warning “We shall return” 222 BC: the Gauls are defeated Septimus 1965: The Italians are defeated when Liverpool sack Juve. 221 BC: the Circus Flaminius Octavius 1965: the Circus “Billy Smart” 218 BC: Hannibal invades Italy Decembris 1965: Liverpool invade Belgium and sack & loot Liege 214 BC: war machines designed by Greek mathematician Archimedes save the city of Syracuse, an ally of Carthage, from a Roman naval attack Mars 1966: No amount of help from Archimedes can stop Liverpool from conquering Hungary, Honved raised to the ground. 202 BC: Scipio defeats Hannibal and Roma annexes Spain Aprilis 1966: Strong defeats the Celts and Liverpool annexes Scotland 196 BC: the Romans defeat the Macedonian king Philip V at Cynoscephalae Maius 1966: The Dortmunds defeat the Scouse King Shanks I in Glasgow. 189 BC: Antiochus III, king of the Seleucids, is defeated at the battle of Magnesia and surrenders his possessions in Europe and Asia Minor Maius 1966: Shankly I, king of the Scousers wins the war of the English League and surrenders nothing in Europe or Asia Minor. 184 BC: the Basilica Porcia Juno 1966: the Dove & Olive 149 BC: Roma destroys Carthage Septimus/Octavius 1966: Liverpool destroys Petrolul but fails in Romania. 149 BC: Roma conquers Greece with the battle of Corinth (and destroys Corinth) Octavius 1966: Liverpool defeat Petrolul on neutral territory and takes crown of Romania. 133 BC: Attalus III of Pergamum wills his kingdom to Roma and the whole Mediterranean Sea is under Roman control ("mare nostrum") Decembri 1966: Foggy weather stalls Liverpool advance through Holland. 106 BC: the Romans defeat Jugurtha, king of Numidia Octavius/Numa Pompilius 1967: Successes in Malmo (Sweden) and routing of Munich (Germany) overcast by defeat in Hungary. 88 BC: Italians are granted full citizenship Juno 1968: Kirkby are granted full citizenship 83 BC: Sulla becomes dictator Julius 1968: Sawyer becomes Director 74 BC: Cicero enters the senate Augustus 1968: Yosser Hughes enters Anfield 73 BC: Spartacus leads the revolt of the gladiators Augustus 1968: Anfield Road End start revolt against the Kop 64 BC: Syria becomes a Roman province Septimus 1968: Woolton becomes a Liverpool province 63 BC: Pompeus captures Jerusalem and annexes Palestine to Roma Septimus 1968: Liverpool captures Birkenhead and annexes Wirral to Liverpool. 53 BC: in the first war against Persia, Crassus is defeated by the Parthians at Carrhae (Syria) Octavius 1968: in the first war against Spain, Liverpool are defeated by Bilbao 51 BC: Caesar crushes revolt of Vercingetorix in Gaul Octavius 1968: Liverpool crushes revolt of Runcorn in Woolybackland. 49 BC: Ceasar becomes dictator Octavius 1968: Shankly becomes Dictator of tactics 47 BC: Ceasar invades Egypt and appoints Cleopatra queen Numa Pompilius 1968: Shankly invades Birmingham and appoints Alun Evans 45 BC: Julius Caesar employs the Egyptian astronomer Sosigenes to work out a new 12-month calendar (Julian calendar) Janus 1969: Shankly employs English physiotherapist Paisley to work out a new strategy in Europe. 44 BC: Ceasar is killed. Septimus 1969: Dundalk is slaughtered 31 BC: Octavianus (Augustus) becomes the first emperor after defeating Mark Anthony at the battle of Actium Numa Pompilius 1969: Liverpool loose to Setubal on away goals. 30 BC: Cleopatra commits suicide and Egypt is annexed to Roma Decembris 1969: Harry Catterick contemplates suicide after another poor derby performance. 20 BC: a treaty between Roma and Persia (Parthians) fixes the boundary between the two empires along the Euphrates river (Iraq) Maius 1970: A treaty between Liverpool and Wirral fixes the boundary between the two empires along the Mersey river. 17 BC: the theater of Marcellus Julius 1970: The theatre of “Everyman” 13 BC: Augustus expands the borders to the region of the Danube Septimus-Decembris 1970: Shankly expands the borders with victories over Ferencevaros, Bucharest and Hibernian. 6 BC: Jesus is born in Palestine Mars 1971: Alun Evans scores THREE against the mighty Bayern 1 AD: Roma has about one million people Aprilis 1971: Liverpool has about one million fans 2 AD: the Forum of Augustus Aprilis 1971: The Forum of RAOTL and RAWK 5 AD: Roma acknowledges Cymbeline, King of the Catuvellauni, as king of Britain Maius 1971: Scousers acknowledge Shankly, King of the Liverpulians, as King of Britain. 6 AD: Augustus expands the borders to the Balkans Septimus-Numa Pompilius 1971: Shankly expands the borders to Geneva, but surrenders Munich. 12 AD: The last Etruscan inscription is carved Janus 1972: The first graffiti inscription is carved in a Liverpool dance hall "Vidi Vici Veni" We Saw her, We Conquered her, We Came! 14 AD: Augustus dies and Tiberius becomes emperor Maius 1972: My Grandad Peter dies and my Dad becomes emperor. 14 AD: five million people live in the Roman empire Maius 1972: Five million people support Liverpool Football Club. 25 AD: Agrippa builds the Pantheon Juno 1972: My arl fellah builds a shed. Pantheon exhibits evidence of early Scouse graffiti artist 37 AD: Tiberius dies and the mad Caligula succeeds him Septimus-Octavius 1972: Frankfurt killed and AEK Athens succeed them 41 AD: Caligula is assassinated and is succeeded by Claudius Octavius-Numa Pompilius 1972: AEK Athens are murdered and are succeeded by Dynamo 43 AD: Claudius invades Britain Numa Pompilius 1972: Liverpool invade Berlin 46 AD: Thracia becomes a Roman province Decembris 1972-Mars 1973: Germany becomes a Scouse province as Liverpool beat Berlin and Dresden 50 AD: the Romans found Londinium in Britain Aprilis 1973: We found Spurs in Londinium and won on away goals 54 AD: Claudius is succeeded by Nero Aprilis 1973: I Claudius is on the telly, while Liverpool win the League (That’s 8 for those who are counting) 58 AD: the Romans conquer Armenia Maius 1973: Liverpool conquer Borussia Moenchengladbach at Anfield 64 AD: Nero sets fire to Roma and blames the Christians for it Maius 1973: Keegan sets the pitch on fire as we are crowned UEFA Cup Champions. 68 AD: Nero commits suicide and is succeeded by Vespasianus Octavius 1973: Jeuness D’Esch commits suicide at Anfield 79 AD: Vespasianus is succeeded by Tito Numa Pompilius 1973: Red Star Belgrade end short European campaign. 70 AD: Tito destroys Jerusalem and Jews spread in Armenia, Iraq, Iran, Arabia, Egypt, Italy, Spain and Greece Maius 1974: Shankly destroys Newcastle 3-0 at Wembley and Liverpudlianism spread to all corners of the globe (how does a globe have corners)? 77 AD: the Romans conquer Wales Juno 1974: Scousers conquer Rhyl and Prestatyn 78 AD: Leadership in Rome debated Julius 1974: Fans weep openly in the Street as Shankly calls it a day. 79 AD: the Vesuvius erupts and Pompeii is buried under ash. Anfield erupts and Stromsgodset are buried under 11 goals. Octavius-Numa Pompilius 1974: Paisley blows his stack as Liverpool are buried by Ferencvaros. 79 AD: the Colosseum is completed Juno-Augustus 1975: The New stand is built 80 AD: the Romans invade Caledonia (Scotland) Septimus 1975: So do we and knock Hibernian out of the Uefa 81 AD: the Arch of Titus Octavius 1975: The Arches of The Bullring 84 AD: British rebels are defeated by the Romans at the battle of Mons Graupius Numa Pompilius 1975: The Spanish “Royals” are defeated by Liverpool at the battle of Sociedad 98 AD: Trajan becomes emperor Decembris 1975: Wroclaw falls under hat-trick from Case 100: the city of Roma has one million inhabitants Janus 1976: The City of Liverpool has One Million and ONE inhabitants 106: Trajan defeats Dacia that becomes a Roman province Mars 1976: Liverpool defeats Dresden and Germany becomes a Liverpool province AGAIN 106: Trajan captures the Nabataean capital Petra (Jordan) and turns Nabataea into the province of Arabia Mars 1976: Toshack captures the Catalan capital of Barcelona and turns Benidorm into the province of Piss-Upia. 110: the Basilica of Trajano is completed Mars 1976: St Johns Market is Completed 112: the Forum of Trajanu Earlius Aprilis 1976: The Forum of YNWA & Shanklygates 113: Colonna Traiana Easterius 1976: Colonna RHYL 116: Trajan conquers Mesopotamia and the Parthian capital Ctesiphon Latius Aprilis 1976: Keegan conquers Bruges with help from Kennedy and Case 117: Trajan dies on his way to the Persian Gulf and Hadrian becomes emperor Maius 1976: Fans get slaughtered on their way to Belgium by Ferry and Keegan becomes emperor after 1-1 draw 122: Hadrian's Wall is built along the northern frontier to protect from the Barbarians Maius 1976: Liverpool’s trophy cabinet is built to house all the trophies of past and future Triumphs 132: Jews, led by Bar-Cochba, whom some identify as the new Messiah, revolt against Roma Maius 1976: Liverpudlians, led by Paisley, whom some identify as the new Messiah, lift the League Championship for the 9th time against the Wolverine Tribes. 134: Villa Hadriana Julius 1976: Villa in the sun on the Costa del Sol. 136: Emperor Hadrian definitely crushes the Jewish resistance, forbids Jews from ever entering Jerusalem, and changes the name of the city to Aelia Capitolina Augustus 1976: Emperor Paisley definitely crushes the Norwich resistance 1-0, forbids Norwichians from ever entering the City of Liverpool again, and changes the name of their city to Shitus Holeus. 161: Marcus Aurelius becomes Roman emperor Augustus 1976- Maius 1977: Fairclough becomes Supersub 164: the plague spreads throughout the Roman empire Septimus 1976: Treblemania spreads throughout the Liverpool Empire. 214: Caracalla murders King Abgar IX of Edessa and declares Edessa a Roman colony Septimus 1976: Liverpool murders Crusaders of Ireland over two legs and declares all free Irishmen Liverpool citizenship. 217: the Baths of Caracalla are inaugurated Octavius 1976: The Baths of Woolton are given Olympic Pool status. 217: Caracalla is murdered in Edessa Numa Pompilius 1976: Trabzonspor are murdered at Anfield 218: Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, the last of the Antonines, becomes emperor and promoties the cult of Elegabalus, a Syriac sun god Janus-Februa 1977: Kevinus Keeganus, last of the Keeganites, becomes emperor of Anfield after wins in the FA CUP over Crystal Palace, Carlisle and Oldham. 244: Shapur I becomes king of the Sassanids and attacks Roma Mars 1977: Fairclough becomes king of the Sandonites and leads attack against Middlesborough. 250: Emperor Decius orders the first emperor-wide persecution of Christians Mars 1977: King Kopite orders world wide persecution of Evertonians ahead of the FA Cup semi-final. 260: the Sassanid king Shapur I defeats the Romans Mars 1977: St Etienne defeats Liverpool in France 284: Diocletian becomes emperor but rules from Nicomedia in the East Mars 1977: Fairclough becomes emperor as his goal sends Liverpool to Zurich 298: Roma captures Nisibis and the Sassanids sign a peace treaty with Roma 6th-20th Aprilis 1977: Borussia Moenchengladbach try to sign a peace treaty for Rome as Liverpool capture Zurich 300: the population of the Roman Empire is 60 million (about 15 million Christians) 10th Aprilis, 1977: The population of the Liverpool Fan Base is 61 Million (about 16 million Chinamen) 356: Roma has 28 libraries, 10 basilicas, 11 public baths, two amphitheaters, three theaters, two circuses, 19 aqueducts, 11 squares, 1,352 fountains, 46,602 insulae (city blocks) 15th Aprilis, 1977: Liverpool has 42 Libraries (3 mobile), 1000 Pubs, 60 Picture Houses, 17 Theatres, 4 Circuses, 40 Canals, 70 Squares, 2000 Sherbet Fountains and 65,000 insulae (city terraces) 359: Constantinople becomes the capital of the Roman empire 20th Aprilis, 1977: L4 becomes the Capital of the known world. 363: an earthquake destroys Petra 23rd Aprilis, 1977: A ref’s decision destroys Everton at Maine Road 364: Valentinian delegates Valens as emperor of the East 25th Aprilis, 1977: Paisley delegates Neal for pens in replay 376: Valens allows Visigoths to settle within the empire 27th Aprilis, 1977: Everton allows Case and Kennedy goals in replay 378: the Visigoths defeat the Roman army at Hadrianopolis 27th Aprilis, 1977: Liverpool defeat the evertonian army at Manchester (3-0) 380: Theodosius I proclaims Christianity as the sole religion of the Roman Empire 30th Aprilis, 1977: FA proclaims Liverpool to play Mancunians at Wembly in May. 395: Theodosius divides the Roman empire in the Western and Eastern Empires, with Milano and Constantinople as their capitals 21st Maius, 1977 Greenhoff divides Liverpool defence at Wembley. 402: the western Roman empire moves the capital from Milano to Ravenna 21st Maius postus-matchius, 1977: The Liverpool empire plans its invasion of Rome 406: Barbarians invade France from the north 22nd Maius AM, 1977: Scousers invade London from the North 410: the Visigots sack Roma 22nd Maius PM, 1977: Liverpool fans sack London Night clubs 410: Roma withdraws from Britannia 23rd Maius AM, 1977: Scousers depart from Dover 427: Gensenric's Vandals crosses the strait of Gibraltar and lands in Africa 23rd Maius AM, 1977: Scouse Vandals cross the Channel and land in Calais 443: the emperor grants Burgundi to settle in Savoy 23rd Maius PM, 1977: Scousers drink Burgundy on their way through France 452: the Huns invade Italy 24th Maius, 1977: the Scousers invade Italy 455: the Vandals sack Roma 25th Maius, 1977: SO DID WE !!!!!! And thus the Roman Empire fell and the dawn of the SCOUSE Empire began. Next year's campaign, in The Champions League (yes we’re 'avin a laff) will begin in August. Will you be playing a part, in expanding the ever increasing borders of the Scouse Empire? I know I will. © Wooltonian 2004

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