my liverpool fc

If they don’t act to strengthen the squad with world class players, you can predict how the next 12 months will go.

The trend at this time of the year is to review how the last campaign has gone. Instead, how about a preview of what we can expect in the next few months if the proverbial fingers don’t come out?

June/ July: Liverpool continue to pursue several top-class targets, working tirelessly behind the scenes to make the deals happen, while manager Rafa Benitez’s mood switches from deeply frustrated to content depending on the levels of reassurance following phone calls from the owners. Thierry Henry and Samuel Eto’o are spotted touring the club museum. Harry Kewell picks up a niggling injury. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

August: Concerns are raised about why Liverpool have jetted to Hong Kong a week before a crucial Champions League qualifier. Meanwhile, as the transfer deadline approaches Benitez is still waiting for the arrival of a key player. He ends up working until midnight on August 31 trying to negotiate a deal, but it doesn’t happen.

Elsewhere, it goes unnoticed in the small print regarding Champions League ticket allocation that fans must have attended at least four reserve games at Wrexham’s Racecourse in order to qualify for a cup final seat should the Reds get that far. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

September: After a slow start to the Premiership campaign, the first in a series of articles appears complaining that the previous summer was a ‘missed opportunity’ as Liverpool already trail Manchester United and Chelsea by ten points. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

October: Rafa Benitez is condemned for playing an under-strength team in the Carling Cup. The Daily Mail describes the club’s performance as ‘the worst in 40 years’ and asks what Benitez has ever done other than win the Champions League and the FA Cup in his first two seasons. Two days later the Reds beat Real Madrid in the Bernabeu. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

November: Liverpool qualify for the knockout stages of the Champions League with a game to spare prompting UEFA spokesman William Gaillard to describe this year’s competition as undoubtedly the worst ever, listing 25 incidents of poor ball control in the last three weeks. Gaillard is sacked by Michel Platini and replaced with someone who’ll be less insulting about Liverpool. Neville Neville says he’s deeply honoured to accept the job. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

December: Tom Hicks tells Liverpool fans they’ll be ‘very excited’ by the signings the club will be making when the January transfer window opens. Benitez signs an Eastern European on a pre-contract Bosman deal ahead of next season, but doesn’t make much fuss about it because he ain’t much good. Thierry Henry and Samuel Eto’o are spotted touring the club museum. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

January: Liverpool sign a full back for £2.5m. He’ll be sold in January, 2009 for the same price. Fans demanding new faces are urged to be more patient. Benitez works until midnight on January 31 trying to sign his prime target but negotiations stall. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

February: Real Madrid sack their manager and make an official approach for Benitez.

The Liverpool boss is known to be increasingly frustrated by the lack of progress and funds. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

March: The FA Cup and Champions League continues to offer hope Liverpool will win silverware this season. After another heroic European night at Anfield, the 12th man of The Kop is praised as being the difference. UEFA announces a generous 10,000 tickets each for this year’s finalists. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

April: Liverpool secure their top four place, qualifying for next season’s Champions League. Harry Kewell makes his return from injury. A team bonding session in La Manga ends in acrimony when a stray golfer hits John Arne Riise with a football. Executive box holders are assured they won’t be put into a ballot for cup final tickets because they’ve paid £40,000 more than season ticket holders for priority so are therefore proven to be more loyal.

May: Tom Hicks tells Liverpool fans they’ll be ‘very excited’ by the signings the club will be making in the summer. Benitez announces with deepest regret he’ll be joining Real Madrid. A Liverpool website asks the club whether it is possible to hoist aloft a Kop mosaic during the final home game, but instead of organising an emotional farewell to Benitez they choose to thank former director Terry Smith for his long service to the club. A key council meeting is held to discuss Liverpool’s new stadium plans.

June: Thierry Henry and Samuel Eto’o can’t even be bothered to visit the club museum. It emerges Liverpool’s new stadium plans are considered out of date and a fresh planning application will be made. It’s now scheduled to open in 2015. Liverpool fans are told to be patient as they yearn for new signings.

“There’s a lot of hard work going on behind the scenes,” says a club statement.

A nightmare prediction of the 2007/08 campaign? Or an abbreviation of sorts of the last 12 months?

Either way, we all need a holiday to let a season’s cynicism to drip out. See you in a few weeks.